Unlocked from Achievement Unlocked and my Impressive e-Penis

I've been chained to my e-penis for too long and it's time I seek my freedom. But I may be getting ahead of myself. What exactly is an e-penis?

The "Broments" I Hope to Have in Army of Two: The 40th Day

EA just released Army of Two: The 40th Day, the sequel to the original Army of Two. The best part of Army of Two wasn't the excellent gun play, Unreal 3 visuals, or gun upgrades, but the moments of bromance between two dudes who just happen to be fighting bad, anti-bros together.

Army of Two isn't an action game, but a thinly veiled love story, a bold political statement hot off the heels of unjust laws like California's Proposition 8. I have high expectations for the sequel, which I started last night. It didn't take me long to come up with a short, but totally rad list of new manifestations of the bromance that I'd like to see. Or, broments if you would.

A God at the Urinal

Months ago, a good friend and co-worker of mine forwarded me a hilarious Craigslist rant about a guy's urine stream. The author was yelling at the guy he peed next to earlier about how the weak stream the author had was due to the fact he was just topping off before a meeting and how he can normally blast boats around with his awesome urine stream.

He didn't want this guy to think his one-time weak stream was indicative of a small penis.

It was brilliant, well written, and has stuck with me ever sense. It's now impossible for me to pee next to someone without mentally analyzing the volume and velocity of their pee stream.

Here is Where I Pick My Favorite Games

I really like lists. I also like games. As the year has dwindled to a close I'm going to combine these two fiery passions into something not at all cliched, overdone, or abundant throughout the internet.

The Mystery of the Poop

My morning routine is constant and simple. I wake, brush my teeth, eat cereal, and play games. We tend to leave at 8 am. A few days ago I turned off my game and poured out my cereal milk in the sink. Suddenly, despite my routine, I was hit with the urge to "take care of business." If you're a "How I Met Your Mother Fan," you may better understand the phrase "read a magazine."

Fast forward 5 minutes.

We're in the car heading to the female's drop off point in SOMA. Out of nowhere (but clearly somewhere beneath my head), my nostrils are hit with the faint, but unmistakeable stench of poo. With every passing minute the smell wasn't going away and I began to freak out. Then, at the age of 26, the horrid thought crept into my mind:

Did I just shit my pants?