November 18, 2009

What is going on next door?

The gleeful cries and exultation of children were surprisingly heard by me Monday morning while unpacking in my new apartment. As I gazed out my new study window I saw a gaggle of children. Unfortunately, they also saw me, standing there in my boxers. I'm pretty sure that's illegal in California.

"What the hell were so many children doing in my neighbor's house?" I thought as I ran to note the need for a curtain in the study. Really, there are only three or four logical reasons. I consider myself a son of logic, a half-breed mixture of Spock and Holmes (imagine the cool hand gesture w/ the awesome hat). This was a case I could solve.

Logical Theory #1: I Moved Next to Octomom
This theory died pretty quickly, though it initially burned true like white-hot phosphorous. I quickly lost count of how many children there were next door, but I realized there were more than eight. I think Octomom also has more than eight, but really I cannot count that high. This theory died due to my inability to prove or disprove it.

Logical Theory #2: My Neighbor is a hardcore Child Smuggler
This theory also died pretty quickly as it was easy to disprove. All individuals who do anything creepy and illegal with children have a highly unfortunate mustache. The amazing musician John Oates reportedly spent half his public life fighting claims of inappropriateness due to his filthy 'stache.

Though he did nothing inappropriate (except stop making chart topping hits), he did provide law enforcement with the standard for identifying criminals. My neighbor has no such mustache.

Logical Theory #3: These are Elves and I live next to Santa
I'm embarrassed to mention this theory. Though the children are consistently as tall as Santa's elves, they all tend to spend most of their time playing with toys, not making them. Horribly inefficient! If this is really Santa's workshop there will be a great lack of supply this Christmas.

Logical Theory #4: It's a Daycare
Oh...right. That does make a lot of sense.

Case closed. Or IS it?

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