This morning my girlfriend and I are walking down a fairly empty street with the puppy. Like a barbarian, I hike up my leg and release a long, loud fart. I start chuckling as I'm quite satisfied with myself.
"I'm embarrassed for you," Beth says.
I continue this depraved conversation. I revel in my personal pride at such a well delivered colon trumpet. I have to raise my voice to so that Beth, who is quickly putting distance between us, can hear me.
"Did you hear me this morning?" I ask. "I was fartin' somethin' fierce!" Apparently, I'm now an uneducated cowboy.
I'm just so smugly satisfied at this point.
I turn around to notice that there is not only someone else on the street I thought to be deserted, but this someone, a female, an attractive female, is about 2 feet behind me.
I am now much less satisfied.
I'm such a douche.