February 4, 2011

I Bet you Voted for Obama: A Douche of the Week Story

Beth and I were just finishing a very lovely dinner at the excellent Elite Cafe on Fillmore Street. We were eating outside as we were accompanied by the miscreant corgi and the weather was really nice.

With half an apple crumb dessert to go, the unfortunate and overpowering scent of cigarette smoke entered my sinuses. I looked up from my sweet delight and noticed a sharply dressed, suited man smoking not 2 feet to my right. He was accompanied by a giggling woman with a very strong foreign accent.

I hate cigarette smoke. Even more, I hate people so oblivious to the comfort of those around them, like the assholes who immediately put their seat entirely back at the beginning of a 23 hour flight. It's important for me to note that I think it's possible to be a smoker and not be a douche.

"Could you please not smoke near me while I'm eating?" I asked. I was honestly not snarling or being rude. I made my request politely.

He grins a bit, says "Oh, sure, my apologies," and begins pacing about in front of me. I guess this is no longer smoking in front of me? His giggling harlot says something to the effect of "you are saucy" to me. She was making fun of me!

This enraged me. I could barely eat; I was just stunned at their behavior. I'm not irrational though, nor was I willing to cause a scene in front of a good restaurant on a crowded street. I calmly add "It's also illegal for you to be smoking here."

Tokyo Rose on his arm giggled and said "He doesn't like smoky." At this point, I was trying to do the math to compute whether I could kill her with my spoon.

He walked in front of my table again and said "I bet you voted for Obama, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I bet I did," I responded. Really? Because I don't like to have you smoke on my face while eating I'm some raging, bleeding heart liberal? I hope to god I have health care of some sort if types like you rule the world.

The pregnant woman sitting at the table immediately left of me nodded at me in approval of my stance. Her husband then said, "I didn't vote for him and I'd like you to stop smoking."

Wow! I really Mr. Smoky Suit gets E. Coli or Salmonella. I'm entirely willing to trade the deliciousness that is Elite Cafe for one incredible bout of fatal food poisoning. Well, make that two bouts.

4 comments:

Erica said...

Funny. And good for you. Also, I hate you for getting to eat outside in the nice weather while I'm snowed in. Just sayin'. ;-)

Lizka said...

I'm a smoker and not a douche. Its called being a 'curtious smoker.'
Its quite simple really to not be a douchey smoker. There are simple, easy to follow unwritten rules to being a curtious smoker. Once of them being - stepping away from the general public and having your smoke while observing the laws of smoking in the city.

What a douche though!! I would've notified the manager that this douche was smoking 3 feet away from the restaurant!!

What did the douche do after the husband of the pregnant woman said his comment?

Grant said...

@Lizka We were literally paying our bill/finishing dessert during this entire exchange. I was just disappointed w/ humanity and ready to leave at this point.

I think when the pregnant woman's husband spoke up that shut him up b/c I think he realized everyone was against him. But, like I said, I was getting up to leave.

beth said...

You forgot to mention that you said, "No, I think it's just rude for you to be smoking while I'm eating."