April 22, 2011

Stand Up Brainstorm (4/22/2011)

I just enrolled in a stand-up comedy class with SF Comedy College. My goal is to do an open mic (which the school provides me) and do it well. To get there, I'll need to write a lot of material, practice it, refine it, and make it good. To test it and help me think through it, I'm going to put a lot of it here on my blog (for all 2.5 readers).

Comments welcome as are ideas. Just keep in mind that a lot of this won't be funny. It's a first pass, so give me a break!

The Idea
I passed a cell phone print ad this morning walking to work that was boasting that their 4g network was better than anything else. I remember a month or so ago when a 3g network was tops. Before that 2g. None of this really makes sense to me as a normal consumer. As far as I know, they are putting a bigger number in front of the letter g and charging me more.

This reminds me a lot of the arms race going on with men's razor companies. There used to be single-bladed razors. Then they added a second blade. Now I think we're up to 5 blades and aloe strip with an optional neck massager. Yet, it doesn't seem like I'm getting a better shave.

The basis for the bit is that cell phone companies are about to enter a ridiculous arm's race. I'm going to try to come up with tag lines for how they can pitch this to consumers.

The Bit (Keep in mind, more a collection of potential jokes than a quality, well-paced bit)
Every guy in here understands what it's like to shave their face. I'm sure some of the ladies do too. It's okay, I don't judge! I've always thought it was a bit unfair that women are the only ones who get the mustache tickle during schnuggles, so when I find a lady with a 'stache I go for it.

Shaving sucks! You chop yourself up with a dull blade only to find your hair adamantly growing the following day. But then the razor companies introduced the dual-bladed razor. Two blades! It was the double-barreled shotgun of razors and that made it awesome, regardless of its negligible impact on shearing our faces.

Then a third blade was added. And a fourth! Then lotion! God knows if it doesn't have lotion  you might as well kill yourself. Now we're up to sentient laser lotion, which is somewhat like the T1000 of shaving.

The one-up-manship got pretty ridiculous over razors. So I'm a little suspicious when I see the cellphone companies doing the same thing with their  wireless networks and their "gs." There's a lot of smartphone saber rattling going on, mostly because there is an app called "saber rattling."

What do more gs buy us? And where does it all stop?  I was pretty happy with 3g, but now I sorta want a fourth g. Maybe even a fifth. It's just not healthy. I think there are some great marketing tag lines to use.

85gs -- your phone will explode! This model very popular in the Middle East.

200gs -- your porn will finally "arrive" before you do!

2000gs -- the only nationwide cell network that expedites cancer growth!

4000 gs -- the only nationwide cell network that eliminates cancer and white blood cells!

10000 gs -- suck it power grid!

Thoughts? Anything jump out at you? Any potential?


Anonymous said...

Dude, Laura and I totally think you should be a comedian. You'd be a funny one. Can we come to your show whenever it is?

The tag lines are inappropriate and funny, and that's good. I laughed.

Razors... all 5 blades are good for is giving me 5x as many lacerations when I accidentally cut myself.

Just the same, when I'm talking on a 4g network, I'm just 4x as pissed when I get the same shitty reception.

Grant said...

Yes, I'll be sending out invites. As a part of the class I get to do stand up at this club twice. So, I'll be refining my material and I'll invite folks.